I must be too annoying 4 u.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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