This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
