Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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