I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
