you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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