So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
