We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
