I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
