Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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