it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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