Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize