I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
