$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so let's talk penis.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
