I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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