I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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