Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
