Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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