yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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