Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
