she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize