I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Life is so much better after having sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
