I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
