You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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