i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize