i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
