Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we made out on top of his cat.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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