nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
