You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
