So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
