How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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