Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
