I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Drake has all the answers
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
