i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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