When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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