Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's shark week go big or go home
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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