Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
