I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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