I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
