My liver just broke up with me...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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