my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
