He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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