If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
