singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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