I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
