I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
