butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
