hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize