i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
