she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
