I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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