Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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