Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
