Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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