I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
