just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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