it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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