I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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