He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
