just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize