thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
