in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
