His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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