Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Houston, we have a squirter
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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