My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
