Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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