week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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