giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
