You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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