hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
