I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
