my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
