Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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