Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
