Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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