break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
