It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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