I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
