Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need water and some morals
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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