The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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